Sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all......but then You assure me...I'm a little more than useless.
thezackster7
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Name: Zack
Country: United States
State: Virginia
Metro: Frederick County
Birthday: 12/4/1985
Gender: Male


Interests: Singing is definitely my #1...listening, encouraging, writing in journals such as this, writing songs, acting...and occasionally pretending like I'm actually cool.
Expertise: Procrastination to the extreme
Occupation: Student


Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM: thezackster777


Member Since: 4/2/2005

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Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Change...

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game
Too late for second guessing...
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes
and leap...

It's time to try defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
and you can't pull me down

I'm through accepting limits
Cause someone said they're so
Some things I cannot change
But til I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if THAT'S love, it comes at much too high a cost...

I'd sooner buy defying gravity...

So if you care to find me
Look to the Western sky
As someone told me lately
Everyone deserves a chance to fly
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
From those who ground me...take a message back for me...

Tell them how I am defying gravity
I'm flying high defying gravity

And nobody...is ever gonna bring me down!

 

Wow.  God is so incredible.  Just a few months ago, I was stuck in one of the worst ruts of my life.  I doubted him...doubted if he really knew what was going on in my life and if He could really make me happy.

Wow.

So I'm moved in to VFCC...and I can count my blessings.  I've got so many great friends...and not all of them are even here yet!  I've just got such high spirits...doing things I never thought I would...AND I've even realized that there ARE other girls in the world. lol...hah. funny, I know.  I guess I was beginning to think how I didn't know if I could find someone as good for me...and maybe I haven't...but I've begun to see life...like looking in the bottom of a well and seeing the potential life from which those who drink of it would have...I have begun to crush on this amazing girl.

Yep, she's pretty amazing.  She's sweet, caring, gorgeous, fun to talk to about anything...INCLUDING foreign languages and books...lol...and just fun to be around.  I know I probably sound like I'm on Cloud 9...and maybe I am. haha. not entirely though--I'll not get to see her for at least a month...so that should keep me pretty well in check.  I'm just so amazed that here I was, grumbling to God about past enjoyments...when out of the blue from out of the country...comes this girl who is really just sweet.

We'll just have to see.


Friday, July 27, 2007

Revival of Xanga...

Okay.  So I haven't written in this thing for nearly a year.  I kind of miss it, though...and due to recent circumstances, I think I want to get back in touch with my inner xanga.

Anyway.  This year so far has been the most roller coaster year I've had in my entire life.  One minute I was extremely happy...and the next moment I was incredibly sad.  I was excited one minute, depressed another...I was angry, and then I wanted to cry...and no, I don't have PMS. Promise.

However, despite all the heart-ache I faced...one thing pains me the most.  I feel like too often I failed to rely on God's love.  I got so overwhelmed that instead of looking to the problem solver...I had my eyes focused on the problem.  Oh, I tried to face my problem...but I tried to do it my way.  The result was a never-ending cycle of heart-ache that seemed unquenchable.

However, NOTHING is impossible for God.  Just as Samson's hair began to grow again and God gave him the strength to handle his situations even after Samson had walked in disobedience, I am gaining the strength to stand up again.  I feel so much more like myself...a part of me has been around...but I feel like there's this innate Zackness that I lost and never quite recovered...until now.  So I'm beginning to be pretty happy.

Okay, happier news.

There were some amazing times at school and during the summer.  I've met some of the coolest kids in my life.  SGA was the ride of a lifetime...and though I didn't get elected for this year, I think God intended for it to be that way.  I don't think I could have led people in the state I've been in til now...so I look forward to taking that position that I felt God calling me to next election.

Julianne has really been a God-send.  I just feel really distant from everyone in the summer...via basically being cut off with all the cool kids from school, Kim being too busy, Kasey being in WV, Josh being at King's Dominion...I get to see Mary sometimes, but she's pretty busy too.  Not to say I'm not...I'm working like 50-60 hours EVERY week!!!  However, I really don't know what I'd do without her.  I probably would have had a truly miserable summer...but she has been there for me through everything...and doesn't mind TOO much when I make fun of her...lol.

I kind of have a crush right now...which is really surprising, considering how heart-broken I was feeling just a few weeks ago (by the way, it's NOT Julianne...in case that last paragraph could have led you to believe that).  I don't really know what brought it on...and I'm not really sure anything will come of it.  I DO know that it's taught me to really put trust in God with that issue.  I know that even when I look at a situation and feel like I'm missing out on the best thing I could have...God can blow me away and show me something even more amazing.  I don't know what my future holds...so even if things don't work out with that girl, I'm gonna trust God on this one.


Sunday, September 10, 2006

Wow.  The things we cannot comprehend are sometimes so troubling.  I have been struggling a lot this past week, trying to find my place at VFCC.  The first two weeks were amazing...but it always seems with me that I'm never allowed to feel that way for a long time.  But God is good!  I think whether I wanted to think so or not, I was beginning to become complacent.  God had to give me a wake-up call, and that indeed he has.  I thank him for being so amazing.  I was listening to this song this morning, and it really expressed how I'm feeling.

"Oh how many times have I broken your heart?
But still you forgive...if only I ask
and how many times have you heard me pray
Draw near to me...

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You"

EVERYTHING we need is Him.  and Satan made it so that we would be completely and utterly destroyed and not allowed to have the one thing that we actually need to live...giving us all sorts of sins and distractions to pull us away from the one who will never cease to love us.

But once again I say unto you...GOD IS GOOD!

He loved us so much that he died the most grueling death ever for us.  I think we take that for granted many times.

Say you feel like you're losing all your friends and you don't know what to do...

DRAW NEAR TO GOD!  He loves you so much.  He'll be your best friend.

Well, what if you think you're useless and that you can't do anything for God?

DRAW NEAR TO GOD!  He loves you so much.  He will take every ounce of you and make you just a little more than useless.  In your weakness He will become stronger.

Say you have feelings (however small or large) for someone and you don't know what to do?

DRAW NEAR TO GOD!  He will guide your path.  He will make you complete.  He loves you so much.

What if you're just too tired to do it anymore?

DRAW NEAR TO GOD!  He gives rest to the weary and takes off the burdenous weight we carry.

I have felt all of those feelings lately...so don't think I'm just preaching to you all.

but I repeat.  HE LOVES YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH.  Like...imagine how much you love your best friends and think of everything you would do for them.  multiply that times a trillion.

I have the desire to love God like He loves me.  Thus, I need to learn that despite my circumstance, God is amazing.  he truly is.  ah. i need to surrender everything I have to him.  I'm not going to say I'm perfect or that from here on out I won't mess up.  I promise you...lol...i will mess up.  i just want to minimize those failings.  how do we do that?  by truly learning to love God...I'm going to end with this final song that is basically a clip from my favorite worship song.

There's no one else
Who can compare to you
The righteous one
The perfect son...

Jesus I surrender
I draw nearer
I fall down
Master, be my savior
Be my shelter
Be my God...

I surrender.

Currently Listening
Look to You
By Hillsong United
All for love
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Tuesday, September 05, 2006

"How would YOU feel if I were interfering with YOUR right to be a ninja?"

~ Zack, referring to Glenn and his lackage of becoming a ninja due to aim...lol...long story.

 

Hey kiddos!  So I'm finally writing in here...and I'd like to write in here once a week or so.  But we'll see.  I really like it here at Valley Forge...it's definitely been an experience so far.  I'm taking 11 classes...so a bit chaotic at times...but I still love it =)  I've met some wonderful people, including (but not limited to):  Glenn, Pate, Derek (Shat), Brydges (London), Katie, Jessica, Jeff, Brittany, Jen, Grey, Corren, Phil, Nathan (Chuck...lol), Hona...and many more!  So I'd like to say that I'm meeting quite a few people...  Oh!  And my RA is super cool too...he's made me feel especially welcome.

I started CFA last week...it definitely wasn't the same as home, but hopefully I'll get used to it.

and i visited home this past weekend!  It was so refreshing to see Kim and Julianne again =)  it was almost culture shock leaving all my friends and such, so it was good to get to talk with them a little bit.  plus i got to see MY cfa crew.  pretty sweet. i'm just glad luke was there. =)

Okay.  I have one more thing to say, but i'm going to stop there because i need to make the next section private.  i'd put it public, because honestly xanga is my way of getting my thoughts out.  however, I don't want to give people the wrong intention...and I don't even really know how I feel on the subject.  we'll see.  i'm sure you'll hear about it someday, but for now I think it's smarter to post private.  who knows?  maybe that's me growing up on the subject

Currently Listening
Who We Are
By Desperation Band
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Friday, August 18, 2006

I leave for college in 7 hours...wow.

To my friends...

 

I've heard it said...

Kase- You are possibly one of the sweetest people to ever exist on the face of the planet. You have ALWAYS been there to try to cheer me up and cheer me on. And Lord knows there were plenty of times for the first set. Lol. Oh the memories. Haha. I can still remember when you were in A Star is Born and I was like dude! Look at that gorgeous girl in the dress! =) Seems like things havent changed much. Except for your love for Clay Aiken has faded somewhatremember this? This conversation took place shortly before fine arts- DC 03.

kc4JC777 (10:00:31 PM): you know what? we MAY be breathing some of the same AIR as clay

kc4JC777 (10:00:35 PM): even if its a day afterwards

frenchchoirguy (10:00:42 PM): lol

frenchchoirguy (10:00:50 PM): no kasey....you are NOT obsessed

and you actually once said this as well, believe it or not: "I'll call you later and tell you though. Because its not as funny on the phone." Lol. Silly girl.

You are so wonderful of a person and I look forward to seeing what God has in store for you! You deserve THE best! And dont worry...Meredith has NOTHING on you! Always remember: The judges loved you? See? They looked like...THIS!

that people come into our lives

Kim- Wow. I really dont know what I would have done the last year and a half that I knew you. You have been one of the biggest influences in my life since then and I dont possibly think I could have made it through without you! We have both went through...shall we say...strenuous times over the course of time of our friendship, and I hope to say that we were both vital to the other in getting through those hard times. You were always there to share victories with, to vent to (when you weren't busy humming....lol), to give much needed insight, and to share Chuck Norris jokes with. Actually, nevermind. I hate you. Lol. Not really, I just thought I would re-enact one of your bi-polar moments. Lol. And wow. I really dont know what I would have done the last year...oh yeah. I told you that story already. LOL! It wouldnt be the first time I did that. Haha.

for a reason...bringing something we must learn

Josh a.k.a Superman- Hot wheels leadin the way! Well. Just as your family has always been my second family, you are truly my brother. I must say that my life would be less filling without you in it. Never before has someone tried to capture my queen with my own piece in chess. Lol. And only you would go out in the middle of the night to help defend me against the evils that are Kim and Colin. And we still got them better than they ever got usespecially with Colins Jetta...and me hiding in the backseat of your car as they attempted to steal it. And, well...convincing Kim that you were employed with Chick-fil-a. lol. Lets see...well. "Theres a man outside"...um...oh! "Zack! I want to talk to girls!" And remember: "Worrying will do you no good." I think you're like the only other person I know that likes "Into the Woods" besides me. Lol. Ohand to bring back the old memories(and this may have some Ohio cops coming after me)...Ohio sucks. Lol. Not really. You always used to get SO mad at me for saying that. Well, whatever you do Josh...I pray that you will be a beaker of hope to those around you.

and we are led to those who help us most to grow

Mary- What can I say? There have been so many memories together. You are certainly the longest of my best friends. 15 years. Haha. So many parts of my life have changed because of you. Such as the fact that I love skittles! That really was your doing. Haha. Way to go. I still remember that day when I walked into the Sunday school class at age five and thought you were Gods little angel he sent to me. And what an angel you've been! Whenever I was depressed, you would stop whatever you were doing and really listen to me, even if I didnt always want to talk about it. I may have been standoff-ish, but I want you to know that it really did matter. Everything youve ever done for me matters. There was this online conversation with you in 2003 that I will never forget. You let me know that I really did matter as a person and as a friend. Many times after that, I doubted myself not just to you, but about whether it really mattered that I was here. You, however, learned to stop and made me feel like I was important. You are one of those people in my life that are just special. Like God really did send you ESPECIALLY in my life to teach me things. And I can never thank you enough for that. PLUS! You're the one who introduced me to Wicked! =)

if we let them and we help them in return

Julianne- Okay, so you are SO not my friend. That makes us so not friends. Haha. Thanks for always being genuinely sweet and always thinking about others instead of yourself. You really care about people and that is good. Like that time you stayed in line for me at the Sportsplex so that I could go home to make myself feel better and not miss out on getting an autograph from Stellar Kart. That meant a lot. You seem to find a way to make me laugh whenever..."Man! I hate this game! You cant score a touchdown!" (Bowling). Haha. You ball lofter, you.

Well I don't know if I believe that's true

Tony- Lil T! Man. You were definitely a blessing. Without you, my final year at LFCC would have been very blah and boring. I would have had no friends in English. And I wouldnt have had a friend to share the glory of Italian Touch with. And I wouldnt have discovered THE bus. Im da bus. Haha...and I wouldnt have discovered the Holy Parallelogram. You were such an amazing friend and I am going to miss you so much. I know I've been really busy this summer and I apologize for my lack of hanging out with you. You will do well in everything you do, I promise you that. You speak another language, after all. Haha. And I don't...mean German...I mean the impeccable understanding of the English language that only you have.

But I know I'm who I am today because I knew YOU

Craig- You are one of the funniest, most talented guys I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. This is going to sound like a sarcastic comment, but I promise you that it isn't. I really don't know how I'm going to live without hearing your voice...because its the best male voice I think Ive ever heard. I dont care that you didnt advance at Nationals this yearI wont take that back. The judges must be LD when it comes to singing because you are the best. You are going to do SO many great things for Christ's kingdom. You need to put out a cd VERY soon. I cant wait til you come to Valley Forge so I can see your talent grow. =)

Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun

Rachel Hardt- Buddy!!! You're such a friend. Whenever I had a problem, I know I could always go to you if I wanted to. You have a lovely voice and I'm glad you hold it down at Central. You do the BEST picture stories I have ever seen! I want to do another one sometime...I miss talking to you...and you making me Z-money ghetto raps...

Like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood

Ashley Thomason- So you know what I love about you? You can poke fun at yourself. Even when Kaleb turns off the lights and discovers that we can no longer find you. Lol. You are really amazing and I'm glad I know you. You always go out of your way to let people know that they are loved. Ah. One memory...you know how I like my coffee? Just like I like my women. Strong...black...and proud. Lol. Gotta love Stella before it went vulgar.

Who can say if I've been changed for the better

Belinda- "ZACK!!!! TURN IT OFF!!! TURN IT OFF NOW!!!!" haha. And there was probably more, but for your sake, I'll leave it at that. Thanks for always being there for me spiritually and emotionally...except for that time previously mentioned lol. Just kidding. I am thankful for the time I was able to work with you and the drama team...I think Ive learned quite a bit from you guys! You always seem to check in on how I'm doing and I appreciate it.

Because I knew you...

Luke- Youre my hero. Word. Thats all there is to it.

No...just kidding. You are one of the most hardcore workers I know. And you are also one of the greatest friends I have. You would always be willing to do anything for me, even if it meant you coming in an hour early for work because I'm a lazy bum and hate working morning shifts =) You are indeed an amazing guy and I will really miss you. I look forward to seeing you again someday...hopefully at Sweet Water Tavern if Bryan schedules it on Oct. 8.

I have been changed for good.

Miranda- Yo! Thanks for being a pal and trying to teach me how to play tennis once...even though you said your new puppy that you had for less than a day was better than me...hmmph! You are still a cool kid I guess. Haha. Thanks for always listening to me talk and always being open to talk to me about your problems...I know I can always go to you! We will have to have tennis lesson number 2 when you get back...sorry I didnt get you your racket back...I called two or three more times but you never answered. Oh well. Talk to you soon!

It well may be that we may never meet again

Molly- Balloon animals!!! Haha. So I'm really glad that Kasey made the suggestion that started it all while you guys were in the Denver airport. Haha. Just kidding. You crack me up, kid! I dont know what my life would be without you (nothing, I know)I am going to miss you as well as the rest of your family. By the way, your picture for Fine Arts rocked at life.

In this lifetime...so let me say before we part

Lindsey- DDR friend! Wow. We've had too many good times. Hard to believe that I randomly met you a few years back and now were friends =) And that I knew your brother and never really knew you. You have got to be one of the coolest friends I have, so make sure you challenge me to DDR when we come back home, okay? Haha.

SO much of me is made of what I've learned from you

Whitney- Thanks so much for your friendship over all these years. I think one of the more important occasions was actually more recently when I first started working at Hollister Co. I was really nervous and afraid that no one there would like me...and you got me off to the right start. So thanks a lot! And I miss those summer days when we had no responsibility and we just played Tony Hawk at Nicole's house. Haha. And you thought you were smart and input that code...haha. Brake Check!

You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart

Leslie- I know we aren't as close as we used to be, but I really am thankful that you were at Chick-fil-a and Hollister Co. with me. You were always a great friend and I could always count on you when I needed to talk. And you made me always look on the bright sides of life...like eating raw cookie dough.

And now whatever way our stories end

Colin- Okay, okay. So Chick-fil-a definitely wouldnt be the same without you. Perhaps a lot more focused...less humorous...yes. Less humorous. Though I think you go over the top sometimes...well...all the time...lol...well...you can sometimes get my mind off things. So I thank you for that. I take pleasure in being your hero every other five seconds. And by the way...I did NOT take the fourth breadstick.

I know you have re-written mine by being MY friend.

Nicole- Wow. Its been so cool to watch you grow up into the amazing lady that you are today. I remember all the times youve stumbled...haha. And that sounded like emotionally or spiritually...but no...I meant physically. You're the only girl I know that would come up with a movie idea called "I should've been blonde". Lol. But it was so much fun living with you that one summer. Lol. Like when I was resting downstairs and you came down and started freaking out and got me to go outside with you...to find that you poked the umbrella through the glass table...haha. You? Clumsy? Never. Oh wait...did somebody say ice cream? Lol =)

Like a ship blown from its mooring by a wind off the sea

Josh Mueller- "Okayyour total is 5.27...please drive me around." Haha! Perhaps one of the worst accidents in drive-thrulolgood times. Well. You have been one of my faves from CFA...'and Im really glad that you got crew leader recently. You're a really hard-worker, and I will definitely miss you as a friend.

Like a seed dropped by a sky bird in a distant wood

Megan Shelton- Thanks for always being my biggest fan. Haha...one time you told me that listening to a voicemail of me singing made you feel a lot better after an awful day...and you have no idea how much I appreciated that. It may have been one of the most sincere, best compliments I have ever received. You like my work so much that when I let you borrow somethingyou never seem to remember to bring it back! Haha. Just playing. Love ya! Ill see you sometime soon.  Welcome to Chick-fil-a...my name is Zack...how can I help you...lol...that's for you.

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

Adam- Man! You are incredible. I look at the ways in which God has used you...and I'm so glad to have known you. You have definitely been the most improved in drama that its amazing. Haha. And you have such a heart for God...I cant wait to see what amazing things you'll do someday. Always give your heart and your soul for God and he will reward you for your sacrifice.

But because I knew you

Ray- Youre an awesome person. I'm so glad I got to know you through the forming of FUEL. And if I must be honest...I was a little worried at first about you being Night Manager at cfa...but you've come along nicely. Now that you're settled, I really enjoy working with you =) You are an awesome man of God and though we may have some differences, I'll always look up to you with that. You're a much better speaker than I am! Haha. Keep strummin that guitar, brother. Haha. =)

I have been changed for good.

Stephanie- =) It has been so much fun working with you. You always seemed to know how to put a smile on my face, and you would always really consider switching me if I was having a bad day. No matter what situation was happening, you always had a smile on your face. I am truly glad I had the opportunity to work with you!

And just to clear the air

Lauren Welbon- Thanks for always letting me know that I'm not as big of a dork as I think I am. Haha. Even when you have to hear me say it every other sentence. I'll miss you. Know that you really are a special person, no matter what anyone tries to tell you. Just let me know...I'll beat them down. Haha. Word.

I ask forgiveness

Ashley Allen- So. Yeah. You're quiet. Sometimes...lol. But you're still a great friend and you have a really good voice. And when it comes to relationships, never settle for second best. Because a first best for you is out there...I promise...whether you've met that guy or not.

For the things I've done you blame me for

Chelsea- Okay. So we dont really talk anymore...but thats okay. You made such an impact on my life at church. Whenever I would have a really down day and try not to show it, you were ALWAYS there to approach me and give me a hug and I really appreciate it. I have a better self-esteem because of you! =) Love ya pal! We need to get back into the swing of our friendship when I come home.

But then, I guess...we know there's blame to share

Jessica Narron- My oh my. Well. You seemed like you got your act together with myspace. I'm proud of youat first you didnt seem like you were going to make it. Haha. Its been lots of fun working with you these last few years. There is one thing you always need to remember...Jesus can be a call-in perhaps but he doesnt work on Mondays...

And none of it seems to matter anymore

Frannie- Hey! Psych was so much better because you were in it! So thanks for being such a wonderful friend =) Im really glad I got to finally meet you this year after hearing tons about you from Josh. Well, I'm out of Chick-a-dozen for now...but I shall return...just you wait. Lol. Keep being amazing.

Who can say if I've been changed for the better...

Zack- Thanks for pawning me as Z-monkey. Haha...lol. You're an awesome guy and you work at chick-fil-a...what more can I ask for? Haha. Keep being a superhero and rockin out with Coconut Radio...pursue your dreams! Be the man I know you can be.

I DO believe I have been changed for the better.

Nikki- Hey, Way back friend! Just like Lindsey, it was so good to be re-united with you! I actually really remembered you from the Wave and everything. This entry really isn't a goodbye, but a reminder of joys to come. VFCC is gonna be amazing! You will have to get amazing at DDR so we can show the campus what were made of!

And...because I knew you

Katie McGilvray- Thanks for all of the encouragement. I don't think I've ever heard of anyone holding as many jobs as you at the same time in as many different locations. Haha. If you ever need me, feel free to reach me. I'm always here!  oh! and my favorite memory of you is from scaremare...haha!

Because I knew you

Bonnie- Lover friend! Haha. Thanks for always being nice to me when we were younger, whether as a freshman in high school or a ddr pal. You always pushed me to be better than I actually was, and the results have shown! Thanks for being so supportive. Don't let your mom steal the cfa cow from your car anymore! Haha.

Because I knew YOU...

Rachel Krikorian- Wow. So did we even pay attention to one Ethics class? Oh yeah...there was that class when you weren't there. Haha. =) Good times. I'm really glad for the times we shared and for the distractions it caused from the most boring class EVER. When I come back from break we REALLY do have to hang out. REALLY.

 

...and to the rest of you.  You all have changed me in some way as well.  Just because I didn't put you on here doesn't mean I don't care about you.  I ran out of time and space.  But I love you.  Thank you for EVERYTHING!

Because I knew you...

I have been changed for good.

Currently Listening
Wicked (2003 Original Broadway Cast)
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